The Shepherd's Call

2007-02-27T17:22:00.000-08:00

Miriam and I chatted today. As usual, she was a breath of fresh air in these lungs which long for warm summer breezes again. We were talking about Jesus' glory following the horrible cross- the humility and humanity. I mentioned Claire's analogy of spiritual gifts being delivered under the radar, like colorful wrapped presents delivered by us, the UPS guy dressed in brown. She paused with a, "There's that mention of brown associated with spiritual gifts again. It's a theme God uses to speak to me. You know my butterfly story, right?" No, I hadn't heard, but she obliged me. And now I'll oblige you.

Butterflies have always appealed to me. They draw me toward thinking
of God. I've always been most attracted to the Morphus butterfly
especially because of it's gorgeous bright blue coloring. The
amazing hue speaks to me of God's glory. Once when I was
shopping, I came across a Morphus butterfly enclosed in
glass. As I turned it over to examine the underside, I was
astonished. The bottomside of this flashing butterfly was
brown. It caused me to think of the glory of the resurrected Jesus in
the vibrant blue, and the suffering and humanity of Christ on the
brown side. Next, I thought of myself as having both sides as
well- the side where Christ shimmers and the brown underside which is the fallen
me.
Not long after, I spoke to an architect friend of mine about
the Morphus butterfly. He told me something which knocked me
for total loop. He explained that this butterfly had scales
overlapping which refracted the light in such a way that it caught the color
blue, but in actuality, the whole butterfly is really brown. Yes,
there is really nothing beautiful in me until Christ shines His light on me and
I reflect who He is back.

Miriam's story helped explain something to me which has bugged me for years.

I couldn't help but think back to a day myself when our liturgical dance choreographer told us to seek the Lord about the kind and color of garment of praise He had for each of us. I don't always come up with answers to this kind of question quickly. However,this time, I knew immediately. I spoke to my fellow dancers boldly, "Mine is brown. I see my color as hidden and muted."

The dancers tried to reassure me, "Brown? Honey, that's not right. You aren't allowing yourself to think of God's riches for yourself. The Lord has a beautiful green or blue or something bright for you." They were trying to be kind assuming I was being unkind to myself at some level.

On the other hand, I knew in my deepest heart of hearts, they were wrong, but I never knew exactly why. Today, I realized if I am in my best place of worship, it won't be me that those around me observe. It will be God's glory, and I will go unnoticed.

2007-02-14T07:15:00.001-08:00

In taking a hard and realistic assessment of my family, I found that I do Bible with my children in homeschool, but my children may not growing in their own independent relationship with Jesus in that they don't seem pick up their Bibles or pray outside of our family time.

It's a somewhat painful realization for me, because I found great comfort as a child in seeking Jesus for myself as it was not something my family did at all. I walked alone to the church in which I had kindergarten on Sunday mornings. When our family moved while I was in fifth grade, I quickly found a ride on my own to and from the closest church. Starting in the fifth grade, I took notes on the sermon and studied madly on my own at home.

Looking over my own children, I see now I may have made the mistake of doing too much for my children and not guiding them toward more spiritual independence outside our family worship.

The best news is that it is not too late. God is so very kind and offers second, third, and fourth chances to those of us on the slower side of the learning curve.

I met with Him asking the question, "What does it mean to really be a Christian?" America, with all it's mess, is known as a Christian nation. God help us! And I have no interest in simply raising nice "Christian" children. There are already plenty of nice Christians out there giving lip service to Jesus and going to church who have no earthly or heavenly idea how to be in relationship with God.

I want to raise people with Kingdom purpose who are absolutely crazy about their King. How to accomplish this?

Here is God's brilliant answer to my heart.

A Christian life is three-fold:

I. Relationship time with God daily.
Not the time for head knowledge, but getting close and personal. Giggling, playing, having fun, running through a field, petting an animal, seeking treasure, dancing, joy all have a place in this daily intentional time with our heart set specifically on being with Jesus. Other days may be better suited for quiet resting in His arms for comfort or weeping.

II. Discipline of Study.
This may not be everyday, but Christians must seek know God better, more deeply through study of His Word. It is a spiritual discipline which may or may not come naturally, like the desire to do physical exercise or not. However, spiritual fat is far more deadly than body fat.

III. Service.
A. At home. Clanging gongs sound for those who ignore service to the ones they love most.
B. In the community. And God forbid, not just the church. The lost just may not be there.

I took these three principles and spoke with my thirteen year old son, Peace. Peace agreed that he wanted these things in his life, so together we worked them into his weekly school assignment sheet.

Though I am sure I had no business doing so, I asked Peace one day last week how he spent his relationship time with God. He didn't mind answering, "Today I prayed room to room for everyone in our family." And I've found him reading a book I bought for study, Can You Hear Me by Jersek, a book about listening to God.

And you know what else? Something is happening in this young man. Peace planned took initiative to plan something for his scout troop which he has never done before. And after a year or so of quiet sullenness, Peace is suddenly back to singing worship songs he loves around the house as he enjoys his day.

Didn't I say God is kind?

2007-02-14T07:15:00.000-08:00

In taking a hard and realistic assessment of my family, I found that I do Bible with my children in homeschool, but my children may not growing in their own independent relationship with Jesus in that they don't seem pick up their Bibles or pray outside of our family time.

It's a somewhat painful realization for me, because I found great comfort as a child in seeking Jesus for myself as it was not something my family did at all. I walked alone to the church in which I had kindergarten on Sunday mornings. When our family moved while I was in fifth grade, I quickly found a ride on my own to and from the closest church. Starting in the fifth grade, I took notes on the sermon and studied madly on my own at home.

Looking over my own children, I see now I may have made the mistake of doing too much for my children and not guiding them toward more spiritual independence outside our family worship.

The best news is that it is not too late. God is so very kind and offers second, third, and fourth chances to those of us on the slower side of the learning curve.

I met with Him asking the question, "What does it mean to really be a Christian?" America, with all it's mess, is known as a Christian nation. God help us! And I have no interest in simply raising nice "Christian" children. There are already plenty of nice Christians out there giving lip service to Jesus and going to church who have no earthly or heavenly idea how to be in relationship with God.

I want to raise people with Kingdom purpose who are absolutely crazy about their King. How to accomplish this?

Here is God's brilliant answer to my heart.

A Christian life is three-fold:

I. Relationship time with God daily.
Not the time for head knowledge, but getting close and personal. Giggling, playing, having fun, running through a field, petting an animal, seeking treasure, dancing, joy all have a place in this daily intentional time with our heart set specifically on being with Jesus. Other days may be better suited for quiet resting in His arms for comfort or weeping.

II. Discipline of Study.
This may not be everyday, but Christians must seek know God better, more deeply through study of His Word. It is a spiritual discipline which may or may not come naturally, like the desire to do physical exercise or not. However, spiritual fat is far more deadly than body fat.

III. Service.
A. At home. Clanging gongs sound for those who ignore service to the ones they love most.
B. In the community. And God forbid, not just the church. The lost just may not be there.

I took these three principles and spoke with my thirteen year old son, Peace. Peace agreed that he wanted these things in his life, so together we worked them into his weekly school assignment sheet.

Though I am sure I had no business doing so, I asked Peace one day last week how he spent his relationship time with God. He didn't mind answering, "Today I prayed room to room for everyone in our family." And I've found him reading a book I bought for study, Can You Hear Me by Jersek, a book about listening to God.

And you know what else? Something is happening in this young man. Peace planned took iniative to plan something for his scout troop which he has never done before. And after a year or so of quiet sulleness, Peace is suddenly back to singing worship songs he loves around the house as he enjoys his day.

Didn't I say God is kind?

2006-12-12T07:00:00.000-08:00

Our church body is moving from a high school into a new building next week. In our last service after eight years at the high school, the pastors arranged a moving transition service. He asked anyone interested to write a word describing the state of themselves when they first came to Two Rivers, and on the reverse, each person wrote a word of change which had happened in them since. I heard about this in my small group, as our leaders invited us to be a part. However, I thought, "I came a Christian. Still am. How interesting would that be?"
Sunday, without words, the participants lined the sides of the stage. Silently they stepped one or two at a time to the platform and shared the words on their poster board. Here are some I remember:

sorrowful
comforted

this from a man who just lost his wife a few months ago

bound
free

uncertain of God's love
confident in God's promises

this from a woman who has struggled through violent disease striking her child

isolated and lonely
new family

this from a true blue friend

empty
full

desparate for children
1 baby and another on the way

dead
alive

afraid
free to dance

this from a woman who danced a solo at Easter

I was deeply moved.

Then I asked God if I'd been too hard hearted in my decision not to participate? The kind answer I recieved was in the form of a question, "What would your words on the card have been?"

I gave it some serious thought and prayer. I'd come to Two Rivers after moving from a church I'd served in for most of my children's lives. I'd expected one particular thing at Two Rivers and got quite another, more painful lesson. However, I know Buck and I are better people for it. So here are my words:

searching
humbled (in the best kind of way)

The Real Deal

2006-10-07T05:52:00.000-07:00

This blog was created to hold a space and name for this:

theshepherdscall.net

My work and my call.

2006-09-21T20:29:00.000-07:00

Jo and I worked on our soon to be announced website for the Shepherd's Call for three hours over the phone. Afterall, she lives in Nashville- three hours away from me. Distance isn't going to inhibit our work. Now I've got butterflies fluttering about inside at the potential of our project- I mean it. I must say, I am so very proud of our work.

I dashed off the phone in time to drive Tater to soccer practice and have a run on my favorite path. I asked God, "Will the bunny be there?"
I got a very clear answer, "Not until you show your son after practice. The bunny will be there for you and your son to share."

As I stretched my thighs, calves, and quads on the grass before the run, I noticed the rich green clover mixed into the grass. "God, wouldn't it be delightful if you'd wish me luck on The Shepherd's Call with a four leaf clover?" I grinned at the silliness of my request. I don't recall ever finding a four leaf clover myself before, but my son Peace picks them in abundance.

As I leaned my head forward onto my left knee, an impossible thing caught my eye. "It can't be." But it was. A four leaf clover. A present from God to me to wish me luck. I plucked it in amazement at the intimacy I felt with Him at that moment.

"All right, God. Shouldn't there be one for Jo too?" I joked back with Him in my playful joy.
I reached for my other foot snuggled into a worn running shoe, and I could not believe my eyes. The second miraculous four leaf clover poked proudly just in my reach beyond the plastic black and powder blue tip of my toe. I snatched it up, and carefully placed both of my treasures in a safe place between the front carseats of my reliable old Honda.

I haven't explained this before, but sometimes I trust God to speak to me in the "shuffle songs" setting of my ipod, but sometimes I don't. I decided today God might just want to say more than "Good luck", and even though the first three songs in the shuffle annoyed me for various hard hearted reasons, I let God pick the songs. The theme which I gleaned from listening to God's mix turned out to be something along the lines of, "True, here are your spheres of influence reflected in these songs and those you see on the path while you run."

You might wonder, what I saw on the path besides the normal Canada geese, ducks, and a few squirrels? I saw a group of middle school boys hanging, a mom and daughter, a couple, a couple with a baby, an hispanic man, an older woman with that "teacher" look, a woman a little older than myself, and another group of local middle or high school boys and girls.

Remember, I was also looking for Jesus in the bunny in my five loops around, but he did not appear. I saw another bunny rush across the path at another location, but I could tell he was not mine, his body too long, too sleek, too grown. The still small voice reminded, "He's not the one. You'll see Jesus bunny with your son."

When I approached Tater, I heard him announce loudly twice, "That sucks!" In my book, "sucks" rhymes with other curse words and isn't permitted in the Vyne household unless it correlates with drinking through a straw. I kept my mouth shut for once, and asked Tater to collect his ball and follow me.

"Where are we going, Mom?" he asked suspiciuosly.

"I want to show you something which makes me think of you when I run." I threw as a "bone".

He hates secrets and bugged me the entire quarter of a mile, "What is it? What is it?"

I lowered my voice to a whisper"When we go around this bend, you must keep your ball in your hands and not speak a word, or you won't be able to see it."

"Mom, that doesn't make any..."

"Shhh, Honey. Trust me. You'll like this."

Consider the fact that Mr. Long Ears hadn't been there five times before that same evening, but with my new found clover faith, I knew he'd be wiggling his nose and flashing his huge black eyes when my boy rounded the bend.

Tater's eyes grew wide as he hushed out, "Mom! Is he always there? Maybe it's someone's pet that got loose. He lets you get so close. Can we take him home? Please, Mom. Please? We have a place for him."

I giggled and spoke softly, "This is his home. I don't think he'd like a cage. Besides we visit often."

When Tater got within a foot of his brown cotton ball tail, Mr. Long Ears lept back into the brush.

Next Tater and I went on a hunt for Touch-Me-Nots seed pods together. Tater worried the bursting seeds might sting when their natural "flingers" projected their bounty. The sun faded too quickly, and he never got to test his concern.

Is it trite to write the lessons learned? If so, I'll risk the goober consequences.

My Big Dad loves me deeply. I ask for something simple, and it is His pleasure to place it in my hands. God knows my past, present, and future. He's not concerned as much with my particular musical tastes as much as He with me in learning my lessons well. He's making a way for me to share my gifts with everyman. My Jesus loves my son and I and whispers a unsophisticated plan to tie our hearts together in a bundle of three in sharing an alluring creature in the shape of a not yet grown rabbit and among brilliant orange flowers.

2006-09-08T06:30:00.000-07:00

I was delighted to see the tail end of the bunny fleeing into the bushes last night on my path. It was the tail end of my laps, and I thought, “God, if you have something to say, I’ve already run more than I should have, and my knees are screaming for me to stop. Would you mind speaking quickly though I know that’s not exactly how you work.”

Nothing .

I got to my destination beside my son’s soccer practice field and found a place to sprawl alone under the gorgeous clouds and bright blue sky. I thought, “This is a good spot to remain quiet and listening.” And I did until I got distracted by the practice game- a field full of mostly 10 year old boys with their shirts off sweating profusely, some with long hair flying behind them as they ran. All. Over. The. Place. When the coach took some time to explain something to the kids in mid-field, the ones closest to me and the goal began to make their arms into swinging elephant trunks and give wild explosive elephant calls. They also came up with a brilliant plan to do somersaults in celebration when their team scored. I was proud to see my son doing some interesting backwards footwork to free the ball from the mob and take control a bit.

“I’m supposed to listening to You, God” when I recognized my thoughts had wandered. I laid down face up to the sky again for a while until I heard footsteps close to my head. “How are you?” Tom, a team dad, inquired. I sat up and chatted, and somehow our conversation turned from science to intelligent design, evangelical Christians, faith, his opinion that the Bible is flawed but a good book to live life by, living a good life and being rewarded, then homosexuality.

I added a few comments to Tom’s well thought out and well put opinions. I believe the Bible to be fact, but I also believe too many people major in what I think to be the minors of inerrancy of the Bible and creationism, when the purpose of Christianity is RELATIONSHIP with Jesus and one another. And I know I do not deserve a heavenly reward in any shape or form for the good life I lead, because I fail and fail and fail and fail. Tom suggested a good life is a process as opposed to perfection to which I agreed. However, the more I try to lead a good life, the more obvious it becomes that I do not.

We ventured down the homosexuality conversation course a while, and he mentioned long term relationships and the need for couple’s rights to be acknowledged by the government. We spoke on gay pride and the uncomfortableness of PDA. I told him I think I regret not having friendship with anyone gay in that I’ve known people who’ve “come out” and then the friendship disappeared. There are still some people out there I consider to be a friend whom I’d more than welcome a visit or phone call. I didn’t have time to mention to Tom, the horrible job I feel we Evangelicals are doing regarding caring for homosexuals.

The conversation closed as the boys flooded from the field toward us.

So, I didn’t have any God bunny epiphanies, but instead good conversation. That counts for something I suppose.

2006-09-04T14:47:00.000-07:00

Maya Angelou carries herself with an exquisite beauty which originates within and somehow shines through magically transparent skin to the outside.

Christians - By Maya Angelou

When I say... "I am a Christian
"I'm not shouting "I'm clean livin'.
"I'm whispering "I was lost,
Now I'm found and forgiven."

When I say... "I am a Christian"
I don't speak of this with pride.
I'm confessing that I stumble
and need Christ to be my guide.

When I say... "I am a Christian
"I'm not trying to be strong.
I'm professing that I'm weak
And need His strength to carry on.

When I say... "I am a Christian"
I'm not bragging of success.
I'm admitting I have failed
And need God to clean my mess.

When I say... "I am a Christian"
I'm not claiming to be perfect,
My flaws are far too visibleBut,
God believes I am worth it.

When I say... "I am a Christian"
I still feel the sting of pain.
I have my share of heartaches
So I call upon His name.

When I say... "I am a Christian"
I'm not holier than thou,
I'm just a simple sinner
Who received God's good grace, somehow!

Gifted Response

2006-09-02T16:28:00.000-07:00

I've been fooled by Matt Redman. Twice. I've never met him as he's a worship leader from England, but Buck was one of five hundred people he chatted intimately with at a Passion worship conference a few years ago. Anyhow, I've read his song title Gifted Response on my ipod and went through the same incorrect thought processes two times as follows- one might think I could learn from the first mistake, but apparently I'm not such a sharp study.

Inside True's head: Gifted Response- This song must be about how we as gifted and talented humans respond to God's love and revelation with something beautiful. After all, God created us, and I mean me, with such aptitude, ability, genius, skill, and we, I, have so much to offer God.

You may laugh now at how badly I missed the mark. The song couldn't convey a more opposite message than my arrogant thoughts. Matt gets something I often forget- we have utterly nothing within ourselves to present to God. Matt knows even our ability to respond at all to God is a gift from God Himself.

This is a gifted response
Father we cannot come to
You by our own merit
We will come in the name of
Your son
As He glorifies You
And in the power of Your spirit

2x

We have come to something so mysterious
Too deep for minds to comprehend
Through the open door
Where the angels sing
And the host of heaven are antheming...
And we'll sing the glory of Your name
Celebrate the glories of Your grace
We will worship You,
We will worship You
And we'll make Your praise so glorious
Singing songs of everlasting praise
We will worship You, we will worship You

I am sadly stunned at my habitual lack of humility. However, I couldn't possibly work on it unless God, in His goodness, continues to reveal my weaknesses time and again. Now that's faithful.

2006-08-29T06:34:00.000-07:00

A quote in song from the Passion You Make Everything Glorious CD by good old David Crowder himself,
"You make everything glorious. What does that make me?"

2006-08-27T15:39:00.000-07:00

I was blessed to attend a small portion of Fire in the Valley this weekend. Aside from "gettin' my dance on" in a major way, I enjoyed the overall unity of the event itself. It's a worship and prayer initiative over the Tennessee Valley. Dozens of churches and leaders came together to pray for our region. One section I'd like to remember by blogging is the Thunder Watch- two hours of drumming and praying. A Native American couple led a visual demonstration in the midst of pounding percussion of the absurd practice of misogyny in the church. They both talked about the godly covenant of intimacy in the eye to eye meeting of man and woman. The man then ascended a chair with his foot on the back of his wife kneeling facedown on the floor. It was startling for me to watch this action as a woman. It's one thing to remember a powerful man say to me in my past, "Who taught YOU how to think like that? Men, are the only ones meant to go that deeply." and it's quite another to see a man actually put a woman under his foot. The lump in my throat grew and I cried familiar salty tears. In this native American's prayer, he came down from the chair and knelt facedown beside his wife and place his arm around her. They talked for quite some time crouched beside one another. He rose up, but she remained crumpled like a used tissue. He spoke of the oppression of women and how men who have participated in the sin are not meant to lift her up, but she must call to God for her rescue. Surprinsingly, she still did not rise. Her husband bent and spoke softly with her for a while longer. After the talk, he asked for her sisters to call out and help her rise. "Rise up! Rise up!" was shouted from women across the arena. I couldn't contain more tears when she finally stood strong and proud to the explosions of banging trashcans, cymbals, djembes, double drum sets.

Here's a funny for my own sake. Mike McClung introduced Ray Hughes for the Thunder Watch mentioning the "theology of drums". Ray stepped up to the microphone and announced,
"I hate theology and botany, but I love Jesus and flowers." I chuckled at myself when the silly thought crossed my mind, "What's not to like about botany?"

I'd also like to remember the watch from my particular church's worship team. I was truly puzzled when Bart and my buddy Carol climbed onstage to the back up singer positions when I know they do not sing on the team. My confusion dispersed as they opened in prayers and scripture which they spattered perfectly among the praise and worship offered by the musicians. Well done, friends! You listen to the Lord and lead us so well.

2006-08-24T19:28:00.000-07:00

Anne Lamott thinks God's a cat in the corner, but I say she's wrong. He's a an adorable bunny who meets me on my walking trail. He didn't show Himself Monday as he usually does, and I was distressed. And my walk that night was not revelatory as it had been the week before.

Tonight the same perky long eared furry fellow appeared across my path, and suddenly I have the first and key paragraph to a paper I've been working on for over a year. Coincidence?

Believe it or not, God is in that bunny, and I can't always find Him.

2006-08-24T17:34:00.000-07:00

I'm working something out here, so please be kind if your views oppose mine for now.

In my work with children, I have established a theological view which my own church does not embrace. And I believe it's probably a matter of ignorance. I believe the very best way to go in the spiritual formation of the young child is to introduce Jesus and have them fall in love with Him before bringing up the concept of sin. In fact, six is the age I'd begin to introduce moral formation and not before. Does anyone out there believe a child under the age of six would go to hell if he hasn't confessed his sins and himself as a sinner before dying? If you do, why would you serve a god like that?

My belief is based on observations of the developmental stages of the child in that he or she cannot grasp and hold onto the idea of sin until he grows old enough to recognize it more fully for himself. And it's not the I believe young children are sinless. I personally spent countless hours redirecting and training my young children through "use the drum stick to hit the drum and not the kitty", "pulling hair hurts", "we use words when we are angry". I've observed children growing in their understanding of sin, and it hasn't been until six or older that I think they "get it". While a young child can parrot back a definition of and actions of sin, a six, seven or eight year old may burn red-faced with guilt in recognition of hurting someone or something. So, why not wait, let the child know Jesus as their friend first, and when the child is ready and searching personally to remove blocks sin has put in the way, help the child through the process of reconciliation for his or herself? It makes sense to me this way, and not the other way around.

So, I mentioned these ideas to Claire to ponder years ago. As far as I could tell, she was not sold until a few weeks ago. She called me and announced, "I think I've got it." She went on to explain she felt our Protestant Evangelical community is deeply entrenched and centered around 'man as sinner'. It's not God centered at all. We need Jesus to clean us in order to approach God. Yes, I agree, we do need Jesus in this way, but it's the non-God centered thing by which we've both been struck.

It occured to me that the 4 spiritual laws man had to rewrite and add the "God loves you and has a plan for your life", because of this very principle teaching of the Protestant Evangelical church.

The whole "Sinners at the Hands of an Angry God" has never sat well with me. God is my Dad who longs for an intimate relationship with me. He made me, and better still, He loves me better than I love myself. Better than I love anything. He's not on high crossing His huge arms, rolling His eyes, muttering, "Tsk, tsk, tsk" everytime I blow it. And I blow it quite a lot. He's the father standing at the window day in and day out, silently hoping, watching, waiting for his wayward son or daughter to return.

If I teach a 3 year old about angry-god-because-we-have-sin first, isn't there a strong likelihood the child will have to heal his or her relationship with angry god before wanting to approach God the Father later?

Have we Protestant Evangelicals missed the boat in how we approach and introduce God? Especially to the child?

On to more of Claire's ideas. She see the Catholic faith as a covenant centered faith, and therefore God-centered. God orchestrates relationship with us through covenants. He showed Himself to Abraham and the covenant between God and His people still exists today. Jesus came in order to fulfill God's covenant. Catholics offer the amazing way to be with intimately close with Jesus in the Eucharist, an expression in remembering our covenant. Jesus enters and heals us through the bread and wine.

I have not had a conversion experience to Catholicism, and my Protestant Evangelical faith is where I stand. However, I find I'm drawn to learn from the saints before me no matter the denomination. Heretical?

What's so funny 'bout peace, love and understanding?

2006-08-12T08:17:00.000-07:00

As a matter of celebration, I observe Pentecost with the little children in my Christian spiritiual formation class on Pentecost Sunday. In turn, we choose one gift of the Spirit listed in Isaiah 11:2-3

The Spirit of the Lord will rest on Him.
The spirit of wisdom and understanding,
The spirit of counsel and strength,
The spirit of the knowledge and the fear of the Lord.
And He will delight in the fear of the Lord,
And He will not judge by what His eyes see,
Nor make a decison by what His ears hear

So the children listen as I read the Acts account of Pentecost, this Isaiah scripture and explain each gift, "Knowledge is a gift which will help us know God better. Strength will help us be strong in the Lord. Fear of the Lord means not to be afraid of Him, but to think about how great and big He is. " And so on.
One at a time, the children speak their gift, and somewhere in the mix I select one as well. Over my nine years of teaching, each time I find myself tending toward wisdom, and I must listen intently to hear otherwise.
But not this year. I had an epiphany of sorts on a walk in the park a few days ago during my son's soccer practice. I was listening to my ipod when curious and beautiful music accompanied by chanted prayer I'd never heard before exploded over my headphones. I couldn't make out the words exactly, but I've found them since.
Phos Hilaron
Hail, gladdening Light,
of his pure glory poured,
who is immortal Father,
heavenly
blest;
Holiest of Holies,
Jesus Christ our Lord!
Now are we come to the sun's hour of rest;
the lights of evening round us shine,
we hymn the Father, Son and Holy Spirit divine.
Worthiest art thou at all times to be sung,
with undefilèd tongue,
Son of our God, Giver of life, alone!
Therefore in all the world thy glories, Lord, thine own.

Words: Greek;trans. John Keble, 1834

Phos. Light! Beautiful.
Hail, gladdening Light. I know the Light which makes me glad. And better still, He knows me.
I considered the word "hilarion". I know it must have the same root as the word "hilarious". Gladdening. Hilarious. A light that makes us giggle inside and out, from the well of joy in being with Our Creator. Of having friendship with His son, Jesus.
Hail, gladdening light.
So what does this have to do with the gift I seek from the Lord at Pentecost? Everything.
The light of the Word came to me about the gift of understanding. I've explained to the children, "The gift of understanding is coming to understand God better." Oh, not so! As I listened several times to the Phos Hilaron track, and kept walking. Suddenly, like a light bulb switching on over my head, I comprehended the gift of understanding for the first time.
Perhaps I'm a very slow study when it comes to holiness, so perhaps you got this long before me.
Some years ago, a wise man emphasized the need in our marriage for Buck and I to approach one another differently in times of conflict. If Buck saw me flying off the handle, Buck's natural response was to become defensive and fire back at me. The counselor recommended a new way to deal with an undone me in a kinder gentler manner, "I see you are hurting over this. What can I do to help?" I was directed to do the same when Buck came unglued.
Internally, I thought, "Now there's a huge paradigm shift. That sounds impossible.", but I saw the heart and keys of the gospel in it somehow.
My walk with Phos Hilaron brought it altogether for me.
"That I might not seek to be understood, but to understand" as my friend Francis of Assisi taught.
Understanding is a gift I must seek from the Lord, because it's definately not in me. What's in me is imperfection, selfishness, stubbornness, unbridled anger, pain, insecurity, hopelessness. But it doesn't have to be so. Nothing is impossible with God, so I'm asking Him for the gift of understanding here and now. I'm sure I'll have plenty of opportunity to put on this new discipline promised to me.

2006-06-30T10:21:00.000-07:00

2006-06-27T20:24:00.000-07:00

2006-06-27T20:20:00.000-07:00

2006-06-19T20:26:00.000-07:00

I'm reserving this space for an upcoming project known as The Shepherd's Call.
Details to follow later.